by Suzanne Grosser
Suicide prevention hotlines can help. They will remind you of the reasons you should not kill yourself. If you need help, call them.
I don’t know your pain, but I know my own was bad enough for me to consider suicide many times, and even to attempt it twice. Obviously, I’m not very good at it, because here I am. Now I am glad I failed. Then, I was not.
Eventually, I worked through my PTSD symptoms. I faced my fears, my guilt, and my anger. Slowly, my life did get better. I have accepted that life is not fair, and I decided to do something about it. I hope you will too.
Many PTSD sufferers have been traumatized by the actions of others. The violence we do to one another astounds me.
I know that the people who hurt me, were hurt by others. Perhaps they learned cruelty at the hand of a parent or other relative. They may have grown up in a dangerous neighborhood, accepting violence as the norm. It could be that a trusted family friend or religious leader was unworthy of the trust accorded them. The chain of violence and pain can go back many generations.
But that does not make it right. Each person has a choice. Those who hurt me had a choice and they made the wrong one. They passed the pain on, adding another link to the chain and pouring more suffering into the world.
I made a different choice. For me, it ends here. I refuse to replicate the behavior of those who hurt me. I am the end point for this chain of suffering. The pain stops – here and now. There will be no more. I worked really hard to learn, to change, to be different than those who hurt me.
Imagine a world where every hurt is acknowledged and healed. No wounds are left to fester only to explode months or years later. Imagine a world where there is no pain to pass on to innocent others. Maybe right now you can not imagine that kind of world. But I can.
I want you to heal too. Because I want the pain to end for everyone. If I can help you, you can be the end point for your chain of suffering. Here and now can be where it stops. You can be a powerful example of how to be different from the pain-givers.
Once we heal ourselves, we can heal the world.
If you can get through your pain, you can be of great value to others. So get whatever help you need to get through this. PTSD survivors make the world a better place. Be one of them.
If you kill yourself, you can not help anyone. If you suicide, those who are depending on you, will be left hurting and unprotected. You do not know who needs your example, whose life you might touch in the future.
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not much is required;
so little we need
the smallest of dreams,
a mere mustard seed.
a glimpse, or a glimmer,
a flicker of light,
a promise of day
against vapid night.
Books by Suzanne Grosser